Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
