You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
