Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
