Me. At least after what I've been through.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
