so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Randomize
