my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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