I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
