My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
