My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
