before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
