Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
