What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
