Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
