On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize