That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
