Betty ford says i'm here all night
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Randomize
