One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
