I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
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