member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Barsexuality is the new black.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
