Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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