first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
