I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
