today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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