I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
