just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
