Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize