mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
