if i died would you start the facebook group?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
