your thong is hanging out like whoa
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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