There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Well I just put wine in my tea
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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