Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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