i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
