Your face is a jimmy john
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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