Texts From Last Night

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  (678): View more from Georgia

  apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.

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  (678): apparently farting at a cop is considered assault. http://tfl.nu/4f0p
  Replies (24) Good night (1606) Bad night (3899)
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  (858): View more from California

  i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..

  (720): View more from Colorado

  yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures

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  (858): i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume.. (720): yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures http://tfl.nu/ebwm
  Replies (7) Good night (3053) Bad night (642)
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  (949): View more from California

  Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.

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  (949): Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing. http://tfl.nu/xh2g
  Replies (11) Good night (2894) Bad night (921)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.

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  (218): My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles. http://tfl.nu/kfaj
  Replies (18) Good night (1030) Bad night (3235)
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  (323): View more from California

  No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.

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  (323): No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested. http://tfl.nu/53oj
  Replies (6) Good night (5075) Bad night (837)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.

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  (303): you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson. http://tfl.nu/oqx8
  Replies (10) Good night (3287) Bad night (730)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?

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  (214): just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high? http://tfl.nu/2d1b
  Replies (38) Good night (8826) Bad night (777)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  i think i scared a bird with my dick

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  (832): i think i scared a bird with my dick http://tfl.nu/1tdx
  Replies (20) Good night (4638) Bad night (1193)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.

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  (574): It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later. http://tfl.nu/qtru
  Replies (9) Good night (2344) Bad night (1046)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.

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  (843): AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME. http://tfl.nu/mm0e
  Replies (11) Good night (570) Bad night (1220)
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  (707): View more from California

  He better not be in your backpack

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  (707): He better not be in your backpack http://tfl.nu/rf3m
  Replies (6) Good night (820) Bad night (411)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it

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  (701): He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it http://tfl.nu/1dio
  Replies (5) Good night (406) Bad night (921)
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  (+91): View more from India

  I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !

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  (+91): I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' ! http://tfl.nu/au1d
  Replies (4) Good night (788) Bad night (429)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.

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  (334): i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears. http://tfl.nu/d46z
  Replies (0) Good night (454) Bad night (324)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"

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  (917): currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor" http://tfl.nu/zwwk
  Replies (5) Good night (333) Bad night (600)

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