Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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