so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday