im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.