Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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