You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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