4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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