I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
