3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
