I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
