i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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