I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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