party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
