Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
