My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
