It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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