He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
