it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
