1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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