There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
3pm strippers are depressing
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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