Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
