So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
