so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
