My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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