i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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