Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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