You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
What a fucking waste of an outfit
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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