Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
