dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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