Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
