we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
