Do you still have your period?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
