He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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