My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
