Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
