Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
