Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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