Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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