Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
